What To Know About The Assault On Nancy Pelosi’s Husband

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A person allegedly attacked Paul Pelosi, the husband of Home Speaker Nancy Pelosi, at their California house early Friday morning, prompting renewed considerations over political violence. The Onion tells you what you want to know concerning the assault on Pelosi’s husband.

Q: Who’s Paul Pelosi?
A: A good Plan B in a pinch.

Q: What did the attacker need?
A: To have a relaxed, affordable dialogue with Nancy Pelosi concerning the 2009 American Restoration and Reinvestment Act.

Q: Did it harm?
A: Presumably.

Q: How have Republicans responded? 
A: Barely in a position to cover their disappointment that Nancy wasn’t house.

Q: What are the assailant’s political opinions? 
A: The sort that make somebody drive to Nancy Pelosi’s home with a hammer.

Q: Was the assault impressed by the Pelosis allegedly committing insider buying and selling? 
A: No, the attacker’s grasp of conspiracies doesn’t rise to that stage of sophistication.

Q: How have Democratic leaders responded?
A: Pelosi is reportedly disgusted by her colleagues providing totally meaningless ideas and prayers.

Q: Are there any distinguished conspiracy theories concerning the assault?
A: Social media customers are already debating the potential of a second hammerer.

Q: How can we stop assaults like this from occurring? 
A: Create significant laws to offer psychological healthcare to marginalized members of society and journey again in time 50 years or so to implement it.

Q: Will Paul Pelosi be okay? 
A: Sure, however he’ll by no means open the door to somebody holding balloons and an enormous test ever once more.

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