Republicans Clarify Why Ron DeSantis Ought to Run For President

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After profitable the Florida gubernatorial race by a whopping 19 factors, many imagine Ron DeSantis ought to obtain the Republican Get together’s nomination for president in 2024. The Onion requested voters why DeSantis ought to run, and that is what they mentioned.

Concord Spring (Restaurant Proprietor)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“Think about how a lot he may scapegoat trans youth on a nationwide stage!”

David Marks (Banker)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“His pores and skin shade aligns with my values.”

Ted Cruz (Senator)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“He has assured me that he thinks my spouse is gorgeous, not that he’d deliver it up for any purpose.”

Amanda Stepford (Anesthesiologist)

Amanda Stepford (Anesthesiologist)

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“If I don’t help DeSantis, then I’ve canceled him. And I’m in opposition to cancel tradition.”

Chuck Grassley (Senator)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“His is the physique my soul shall inhabit as soon as I molt from this right here mortal shell anon.”

David Duke (Far-Proper Politician)

David Duke (Far-Proper Politician)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“I’d want somebody of pure white blood, however I assume an Italian will do.”

Connie Curtis (Advertising and marketing Supervisor)

Connie Curtis (Advertising and marketing Supervisor)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“His Covid-19 response confirmed that he could be able to killing much more folks on a federal stage.”

Hartley Stevens (Retail Affiliate)

Hartley Stevens (Retail Affiliate)

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“It’ll be enjoyable to observe Trump name him a pudgy boy and ask him the place his lollipop is.”

Debbie Hunter (Cashier)

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“Isn’t it everybody’s dream to dwell in a single big model of Florida?”

Mark Mann (Accountant)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“He’s not afraid to say what we racists and homophobes are additionally not afraid to say.”

Joel Neil (Unemployed)

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“If he will get promoted to president, everybody in Florida strikes up one rank.”

Patricia Bonnett (Retiree)

Patricia Bonnett (Retiree)

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“He’s bought that good, tight pores and skin.”

Erin Krause (Barista)

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“You noticed what he did to the mighty Charlie Crist.”

Lisa Haupt (Canine Groomer)

Image for article titled Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“It’s excessive time that each one undesirable incest pregnancies are carried to time period nationwide.”

Sgt. Hector Yuriel (U.S. Navy Recruit Teacher)

Sgt. Hector Yuriel (U.S. Navy Recruit Teacher)

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“We must always cease being embarrassed about Guantánamo Bay and begin celebrating by electing to increased workplace the individuals who made all of it doable.”

Kelsey Scheel (Waitress)

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“This might be the primary president whose center title is Dion.”

Alvin (Alligator)

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“If DeSantis plunges America into chaos, I would have the ability to escape the hellish jail that’s the Central Florida Zoo and Botanical Gardens.”

Pete Madison (Entrepreneur)

Pete Madison (Entrepreneur)

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“I all the time vote for the asshole that presently has probably the most momentum.”​

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