“Possibly it is best to simply smile extra.” – The Bloggess

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So this week was onerous mentally for no explicit motive aside from my mind is an asshole. Yesterday I felt extremely low and my shrink was like, “Go get a ketamine booster proper now” so the clinic match me in late final night time, which was very nice, however then I had a full-blown panic assault full with projectile vomiting in the midst of a psychedelic journey the place I used to be fairly positive I used to be caught ceaselessly in one other aircraft of existence, so mainly I paid a whole bunch of {dollars} for the privilege of throwing up whereas off my tits on a foul drug journey.

And I’ll do it once more and take into account myself fortunate.

Earlier this week I tweeted about my struggles to maintain upright mentally and I used to be flooded (thanks!) with sympathetic individuals who both are going via the identical bullshit or who really feel empathy regardless that they don’t perceive it, however there are all the time a number of DMs of individuals telling me that it’s most likely all due to an excessive amount of gluten, too little praying, a scarcity of no matter they’re promoting (a lot herbalife), psychosomatic, 5G-based (what), or induced as a result of I’m “simply not smiling sufficient”.

The smiling one is especially fascinating since so many individuals I do know with despair are the smiliest bitches you ever met since you truly can chortle and smile whereas depressed. The truth is, humor is one among my nice defenses towards despair. That’s the tough a part of the lies despair tells…that despair solely appears to be like a sure manner. It doesn’t. It might probably seem like a number of issues.

And for me it appears to be like like a girl who has her shit collectively on paper however is fairly positive that she’s failing at every little thing and that everybody is mad at her. It appears to be like like somebody who has moments of nice pleasure and moments of nice sorrow and moments of totally blankness. It appears to be like like somebody who doesn’t totally acknowledge the depressed individual she typically is when she’s out of a despair. And somebody who doesn’t bear in mind the comfortable individual she often is when she’s in a despair.

Immediately I really feel limp with exhaustion however barely higher than yesterday and that’s a great signal. However there’s one factor I’d like you understand and that’s that individuals don’t put themselves via this kind of torture as a result of they should smile extra or as a result of they’re simply lazy or as a result of they’re weak. It takes an unimaginable quantity of labor to struggle this, and that work comes from the folks combating, their family and friends who assist them and the individuals who dedicate their lives to caring for the mentally sick. It’s not enjoyable and it’s a tough struggle however it’s 100% value it and if you’re studying this now and doubting that you’re worthy of combating for, I guarantee you that you’re not alone and you might be worthy. Additionally, possibly it is best to simply smile extra.


However not kidding concerning the truth that you’re not alone.

You’ll get via this. So will I.

(Insert unironic smiley face right here)


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