Plan B Unveils Emergency Staff Of Brawny Males To Shake Down Impregnator For Abortion Cash

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PITTSBURGH—In what’s being hailed as a revolutionary development in ladies’s reproductive healthcare, Basis Client Manufacturers, the maker of Plan B One-Step, held a press convention Friday to introduce its new emergency group of brawny males who shake down impregnators for abortion cash. “Our newest contraception product, Plan C, offers ladies the choice to have a secure and reasonably priced abortion by sending a bunch of road toughs to strong-arm the one that bought her pregnant into shelling out 500 bucks to pay for it,” stated firm consultant Monica Tollemache, including {that a} girl would be capable of go to any native pharmacy and buy a low-cost group of burly thugs who might induce an abortion fee whereas the girl remained within the consolation of her own residence. “Plan C is as much as 99% efficient in forcing that loser to cough up the money when a beatdown is run inside one week after payday. Whereas we don’t suggest this product for routine use, we do acknowledge {that a} girl ought to be capable of determine for herself whether or not the man who knocked her up must be thrown in opposition to a wall in an alley and threatened, and even marched at gunpoint on to an ATM.” Tollemache added that Plan C’s unintended effects had been frequent however restricted to intense bodily ache for the impregnator.

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