Niemann Dishonest Scandal Spirals Out Of Management As Magnus Carlsen’s Rook Discovered Useless

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OSLO, NORWAY—In a dramatic escalation of a narrative that has gripped the chess world for weeks, the Hans Niemann dishonest scandal reportedly spiraled uncontrolled Friday as certainly one of Magnus Carlsen’s longtime rooks was discovered shot lifeless in an Oslo alleyway. “At the moment we’re investigating this as a premeditated homicide carried out on Mr. Carlsen’s second most highly effective chess items to strike concern into his different knights, bishops, and pawns,” mentioned Olso Chief of Police Beate Gangås of the slain rook, generally known as a fortress to its closest associates, which appeared to have sustained a deadly bullet wound from a degree clean shot to its battlements. “Sadly, the rook was solely capable of transfer ahead, backward, or sideways whereas close by pawns regarded on in horror. In any other case, it might have been capable of flee diagonally from its assailant. This can be a very darkish day for chess.” At press time, authorities confirmed that Carlsen’s different rook had been positioned into protecting hiding in disguise as a king.

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