Money-Flush FIFA Executives Notice Each World Cup Host Has Had Slaves At One Level

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ZURICH—Defending the group towards criticism over the human rights report of 2022 World Cup host Qatar, clash-flush FIFA executives informed reporters Tuesday that each World Cup host has had slaves sooner or later. “What the woke critics complaining about this 12 months’s host completely fail to comprehend is that human bondage has occurred all around the world—all through most of historical past, in reality—and so good luck to them discovering some good host nation that’s by no means had slavery,” a jewel-laden FIFA president Gianni Infantino mentioned as he departed a press convention, ordering an assistant to choose up a number of stacks of 100-euro notes that had fallen out of his pockets. “It’s not like we’ve got this massive listing of non-slavery nations to select from, okay? Let’s return in historical past: [2018 host] Russia? Slavery. [2014 host] Brazil? Slavery—the final nation within the Western world to abolish slavery, I would add. [2010 host] South Africa? Slavery. [2006 host] Germany? Don’t get us began. [2002 co-hosts] South Korea and Japan, [1998 host] France—a cursory have a look at the historical past books reveals them enslaving folks all over. [1994 host] The USA? I imply, come on! So you need to have a look at what Qatar wanted to do to get all these stadiums constructed throughout the context of historical past. Let residents of the primary nation that by no means practiced human subjugation throw the primary stone. Christ, if these critics had their approach, we’d by no means have a World Cup anyplace in any respect. Now, in case you’ll excuse me, I’ve to board my personal airplane for my standing reservation on the [Parisian restaurant] Man Savoy.” At press time, a number of different FIFA executives in costly fits had refused to touch upon the organizations host choice course of as they hurried into the open doorways of their brand-new Lamborghinis.


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