GENEVA—Taking a deep breath and sounding the alarm for all within the land to listen to, epidemiologist Hans Zehnder reportedly blew a conch horn Friday after recognizing a brand new Covid variant cresting over the horizon. “Hark, a brand new variant approaches!” Zehnder cried from his perch atop the World Well being Group watchtower, whose sign was obtained by an epidemiologist over the border in France, who in flip ran alongside a fortress wall to ring an infinite bronze bell that may be heard by well being officers stationed within the Pyrenees mountains. “Draw the bridge! Shut the gates! Put together yourselves with PPE and the spirit of a warrior. This variant is stronger, this variant is quicker—and it desires vengeance!” At press time, witnesses confirmed Zehnder had dropped the horn in shock after a complete military of coronavirus mutations had appeared on the horizon behind the variant.