Californians Clarify Why They Ought to Secede From The Nation

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The controversial CalExit motion posits that state of California ought to secede from the US and change into its personal sovereign nation. The Onion requested Californians why they supported it, and that is what they stated.

Ken ​Ruan (Archivist)

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“​I can’t afford to maneuver, however I’ve at all times needed to reside overseas.”

3 / 20

​Sophia West (​Cybersecurity Advisor)

​Sophia West (​Cybersecurity Advisor)

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“I assume all federal fees can be dropped.”

4 / 20

Brady Mann (Recreation & Health Employee)

Brady Mann (Recreation & Health Employee)

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“Why ought to we be ruled by grasping, out-of-touch millionaires in Washington, D.C. when we’ve grasping, out-of-touch billionaires proper right here?”

5 / 20

Lucy Henderson (Funding Banker)

Lucy Henderson (Funding Banker)

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“We’d be the one nation with a bear on its flag! All different nations would tremble earlier than us, besides probably Albania and it’s mighty two-headed Eagle.”

6 / 20

Kevin Feige (Marvel Studios President)

Kevin Feige (Marvel Studios President)

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“It might actually assist shore up our worldwide field workplace numbers.”

7 / 20

Austin Gutierrez (Bus Driver)

Austin Gutierrez (Bus Driver)

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“We may do cool cash. Like bizarre shapes and colours. Could possibly be enjoyable.”

Greg Gershwin (Barista)

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“Taxes, I feel?”

Victor Harper (Foreman)

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“He who controls the almonds, controls the universe.”

10 / 20

Matías Carrera (Aviation Mechanic)

Matías Carrera (Aviation Mechanic)

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“I’ve at all times thought it’s about time we paid much more cash to import water from elsewhere.”

11 / 20

Nathaniel Mitchum (Actor)

Nathaniel Mitchum (Actor)

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“I’d fairly be ruled by SAG-AFTRA bylaws than the Structure.”

12 / 20

Thomas Riley (Science Trainer)

Thomas Riley (Science Trainer)

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“If we seceded, California would formally be named the ninth planet within the photo voltaic system.”

13 / 20

Harriet Godwin (ICE Officer)

Harriet Godwin (ICE Officer)

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“I’m tickled by the concept that there might be extra immigrants to dehumanize.”

Mary Coe (Trainer)

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“I can’t have my children develop up in a rustic the place there’s ugly individuals.”

15 / 20

Jackson Estevez (Plumber)

Jackson Estevez (Plumber)

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“I’m extraordinarily impressionable and at all times 100% down for the newest plan I hear about.”

16 / 20

Gregg Kauffman (Sommelier)

Gregg Kauffman (Sommelier)

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“It’s embarrassing to name Michigan winemakers your countrymen.”

Deena Williams (Nurse)

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“With all of the enterprise capital funds, we may in all probability create an much more fucked up healthcare system of our personal.”

18 / 20

Isabella Anjou (Influencer)

Isabella Anjou (Influencer)

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“My agent stated it might be actually good for my model.”

Letitia Peters (Dentist)

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“It might simply be good to beat Texas at one thing.”

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