AUSTIN, TX—Reeling within the wake of a troublesome loss within the Texas gubernatorial race, Democratic candidate Beto O’Rourke reportedly requested his advisors Wednesday if getting paralyzed by a tree may assist his 2026 election probabilities. “Look, we’ve received to be sincere with ourselves and admit one thing is holding me again as a candidate, and if that’s my means to stroll, then, certain, I’d stand within the path of a falling oak tree,” O’Rourke mentioned throughout an impromptu huddle together with his closest aides during which he requested how a lot polling had been executed on the hypothetical situation of a freak accident leaving him tragically confined to a wheelchair earlier than the subsequent governor’s election. “Let’s think about I get a four- or five-point bump with Hispanics after they see a photograph of me in a wheelchair. If we’re speaking about turning Texas blue, then who the hell is aware of what I’m prepared to sacrifice? Anyway, let’s fireplace up some focus teams ASAP, as a result of this having two purposeful legs shit is clearly not working.” At press time, O’Rourke added that it couldn’t damage to throw in a query about whether or not it might assist his electability to get married to Greg Abbott’s spouse.