LOW EARTH ORBIT—Amazed and aroused by how majestic and attractive the planet appeared from his spacecraft’s window, U.S. astronaut Alex Freedman was reportedly shocked Thursday by simply how fuckable Earth regarded from a thousand miles above. “Oh my God, it’s so huge and blue and beautiful, I simply need to take it in my fingers and…mmmmmhhh,” stated Freedman, letting out a deep moan earlier than he went on to elucidate that whereas he had been informed how aroused he would grow to be when he first gazed upon the planet from house, he had by no means totally understood its monumental fuckability till this second. “It’s obtained these curves, it’s so, so moist, and it’s simply getting hotter on a regular basis. It actually places your complete erotic life into perspective. In fact, I’ve jerked off to footage of Earth in Nationwide Geographic earlier than, however that is one thing else solely. I got here instantly.” At press time, Freedman admitted that the truth that the Earth was his mom made it even sexier.